The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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