I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
