so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
