At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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