That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
