You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
