In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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