So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
