we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
