I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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