Pants 0. Shit 1.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
