You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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