He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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