somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
