I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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