The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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