i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
