i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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