i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
