My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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