there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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