I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
