I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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