My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
