I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
