perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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