never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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