NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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