Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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