Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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