UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
