booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
