i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
