The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
