Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
