Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
