You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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