I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
