i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
