community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
