Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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