So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
