ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
