going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
