There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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