I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
