where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
