Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
