Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do herpes really smell.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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