dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
