i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
